Choosing to Marry: I doubt my judgement a little now- What should I be asking myself before I get married?

May 12, 2013 | By

Question by Penny: Choosing to Marry: I doubt my judgement a little now- What should I be asking myself before I get married?
How do you know if you want to marry someone? I have been wrong before when I moved for my last boyfriend and he didn't marry me. Now I look at him and think- I AM SOO GLAD I DIDN'T MARRY HIM. I doubt my judgement a little now- What should I be asking myself? What should I be looking for? What mattered to you that you are glad you looked out for?

Best answer:

Answer by sionyx1837
Why rush it? It's a piece of paper and a bunch of money no matter how you look at it. You get married, it costs. You get divorced, it costs even more.

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ND marry me from Return of Saturn!!
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Comments (6)

  1. SETH. Dad-to-be x2 ♀ ♀

    If there’s any doubts do not go ahead with it, most likely you’ll end up divorced. Think long and hard before marrying someone, it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

  2. ash_m

    just ask your self that , will he make you happy after marriege, if you think yes, then think about your self that how can be you happy or how you feel good comfortable,then you are with the rite person

  3. ~~*Paradise Dreams*~~

    I’ll tell you what I DIDN’T look out for and why I’m in the mess I am (just the beginning of a divorce). Pay attention to the little things that matter to you. My husband never bought me flowers before we married and I only got them once after we married (you know how we girls are, the little things matter!). Make sure you are happy with the way you run your household now (division of chores, bills, etc…) chances are they will not change once you’re married. If you haven’t lived together yet…I’d have a serious talk with him about these things before you walk down the aisle. I ended up doing everything for the household, all he did was work. (It sounds terrible but I worked, went to school AND managed the entire household). And if you, for any reason, doubt your decision to marry him now, put the wedding on hold for a bit just until you are sure he’s the one. Good luck!

  4. loveboy

    Know your compatibility with your would be hubby first, then decide to marry.

  5. Happy-2

    Ask yourself if both you and he are responsible and trustworthy. You both have to be for marriage to work. When you have differences, can you resolve them? Do you avoid sarcasm and name calling when you’re angry? Do you both understand the meaning of a lifetime commitment? Neither of you should be addicted to anything.

    You need to figure out what your deal breakers are, and eliminate them. For example, you both have to know for reasonable sure how many children you want to have. Are there things in a person’s past that you couldn’t get past? Often, these are sexual; for example, if he’d had 50 lovers, or sex with another man, could you get past that? What I’m saying here is just that you need to figure out what would be a deal breaker for you, and then ask him if he’s ever done any of those things.

    You need to disclose to each other the really important things, like whether you’ve ever been married or engaged before, whether you have any children, and whether you have had an abortion.

    If religion is important to either one of you, and you don’t share the same religion, you have to discuss how you’re going to teach your children, if any.

    Discuss how often each of you imagine having sex after marriage, and negotiate a frequency you can both agree on.

    I imagine I could go on a lot longer, but that’s probably enough to get you started.

  6. Tabo

    You need to look at the big issues. (I love questions like these!)

    1) Money. (how will it be divided…what accounts) Also, about money how do you spend…how does he spend. What will you save. You should save 10% of your pay check for an emergency fund and for retirment purposes. Who pays the bills? How will it be divided…shared payments or sharing all the moeny? Personally, I find sharing all but, in different accounts works the best.

    2) Children. (yes/no). Do you want kids? Does he? When? Can you agree? Does it matter if it’s a boy or girl? (some people are weird on that but, I think rare in the USA today).

    3) Work. (for both of your futures) Do you want to work and have a career? Does he support that? Does he want you to be a stay at home mom or does he care if you work after a child? How was he raised on that issue?

    KEY: There are SO many women who are not supported by their husbands or respected in their decision to improve their education and career. Make SURE that he supports you and if you decided to back to school or finish or explore or work a new career make sure he’d take you seriouslly later on in life.

    4) Religion. Some people want their children raised in a certain religioin or have certain religious believes themselves. Can you handle them ect.

    5) Communication! How well do you work to reslove issues? Do you yell, argue, fight a lot? That’s not good…lol. Can you sit down and tell him something is bothering you and does he do the same for you….and you can talk about how you’ll get through it? This is a key issue. If you both can’t sit down -camly- and talk to each other and resolve issues then life is going to be hard. Not saying you can’t ever fight or have a disagreement but, you have to work through them.

    6) View of Marriage. I never thought about this before until coming on this board. lol. However, it’s key. If you see marriage as just a piece of paper…then so what. I see marriage as a bonding experience and a beautiful union of souls and people. It’s not just one day of a wedding it’s a commitment for a LIFE TIME. which leads me to…

    7) View on divorce. Do you/he believe in it? Dedicate yourselves to working through it.

    8) The past. What have you looked at in the past and realized you did’t like before.

    good luck!!