I am a bridesmaid, attending the wedding & bridal showers and bachelorette party. How many gifts do I get?!?

April 26, 2013 | By

Question by Sara: I am a bridesmaid, attending the wedding & bridal showers and bachelorette party. How many gifts do I get?!?
I'm not trying to be cheap I am just not familiar with the etiquette. Do wedding shower gifts generally differ from bridal shower gifts (in other words, is the bridal shower gift FOR the bride or both the bride and the groom?) and do I bring a gift to the bachelorette party or does the bridal shower cover that part? Which one do I spend most money for?... I'm confused! Help!
There's going to be two separate showers before the wedding: bridal shower that MOH is organizing, and another one at work that I'm organizing...

Best answer:

Answer by TAlex88
You and the MOH w/the other BM's are suppose to throw the bride a shower. You need to either throw her a shower (as a gift) or bring one to the shower. Also, a wedding gift for the bride & groom, which you usually bring to the reception. And you spend more money one the wedding present than the bridal shower present.

Add your own answer in the comments!

Tagged: 16 factlets about RL me
bridesmaid etiquette
Image by moggs oceanlane
This picture was taken when logging into SL at dial up speeds thus the utter emptiness and half rezzed look - I'm standing in SL nothingness :). I'm on the equivalent of dial up speed for a week... it's a killer. (The RL component of it changes from time to time )

I have plurked the challenge here.

16 random facts about RL Moggs that you may not know

1. I once rode a mechanical bull for about 3 seconds. Three times in a row. I kept getting back on. My nemesis from school was at the controls ... taking me from 0-full speed in seconds.

2. Moggs is a nickname from real life.

3. I twirl my hair when I get tired. Which is probably better than ripping it out in handfuls like I used to do as a baby to make myself to cry so I'd sleep.

4. I love people and think you can never have too many GOOD people in your life... something I don't regret but which means trying to keep up with people can get interesting at times. I randomly mix my various (and quite different) groups of friends who live locally once or twice a year and never pause to think about who gets along with who or worrying about compatibility - it'd never happen otherwise. My friends are diverse in age, sexuality, religious and moral beliefs, culture/sub-culture and I love them all. (I believe you have to be a little bit in love with all of your [true] friends.)

5. I try to use my powers for good - unless someone 'makes' me do otherwise. (I'm relatively easy going and easy to get along with but don't like bullies. I will stand up for what I believe - vocally, in writing and with my feet.)

6. I love the city and the country. I hate the suburbs. I've been living in the outer 'burbs for the first time EVER for the last year and a bit and I HATE it (and my suburb smells like toilet - for real. I'm not making that up!). I'm currently plotting my return to the inner 'burbs or city. [Note - this woeful situation was rectified in March 2009... I'm closer to the city but aiming to move closer still... reasonably happy where I am but have a lot of my stuff stored so this place is just temporary]

7. I hate political correctness. I much prefer bluntness. I blame political correctness and the over use of weasel words for exaggerating a number of issues in our society. I don't 'get' discrimination based on gender, sexuality, religion, skin colour and I think that bluntness and common decency are not incompatible (BRUTAL honesty, however, is unneccessary... the regular kind of honesty is just fine and can be served with kindness on the side). I believe common decency is more important that being politically correct. (See also Soft Language by George Carlin).

8. I was a bridesmaid for someone I met in rest rooms at a pub - I'd raided the men's toilets for toilet paper and handed it over the cubicle... the person recognised my watch later while we were at the bar ordering drinks at the same time. We started chatting and went on to become good friends. Oh... did I forget to say that I meet people in strange and unusual circumstances?

9. I did the 'get to know you thing' with a guy who turned out to have 64 aliases (we didn't get to know each other too well - he was a little strange... even for me. We wouldn't have got to know one another at all but I'd made up this dumb rule for myself that I had to at least make an attempt to get to know the next guy who asked me out - something I'd regret a whole lot more if the resulting story wasn't so good!). He was a magician who often wore a bobby policeman outfit which, retrospectively, was very amusing. When the news hit the local papers my phone rang hot. One friend rocked up at 4am at my door, having walked from the city totally drunk and hardly able to speak. He held up the paper and then fell into my house (literally!) in a drunken laughing mess. When I shared the story with my grandma in a letter, she wrote me back a fictional letter - thinking if I could make stuff up, she could too!

10. My favourite colours are red and green. I love particular shades of green. I'm a Leo. I was born on a Thursday at either 00:43 or 00:46. I'm a ENFJ Jung Personality Type - E 11%, I 44% F 88% J 11% (well, according to an Internet based test on the humanmetrics site that I did thanks to Laleeta's plurk back in October 2008).

11. In my own opinon, I'm equal parts serious and nutty. I like to play. And I like to think.

12. I am not really into large parties but attend them and host them anyway because I love catching up with people. I much prefer catch ups when you can have actual dialogue rather than a range of greetings and short superficial topics. My parties generally go quite well despite the random mix of people and the fact I tend to let things evolve rather than try to direct proceedings. When I'm tired I revert to childhood shyness but few people believe me if I explain why I'm not so social - I had to learn to be outgoing and meet people when I moved to a new town when I was 12 or 13; it was hard work but now it's like second nature, except when I'm really tired.

13. I love sharing things that impress me (make me laugh, think or propel me to action). I love promoting the people I love... or those whose skills I respect. Many of my friends jokingly call me a pimp - but then ring me when they are after people or information. I compulsively share new finds with friends and aquaintances and go out of my way to email people with trivia or recommendations if I know they are interested in a particular topic. I'm an information junkie and sometimes think I absorb things by osmosis.

14. I believe it's important to tell people the good stuff as well as the bad. I will offer criticism (that I hope is constructive) but I'll also offer compliments. I don't understand why most people don't hestitate when it comes to the negatives but many find it so hard to share a compliment, pass on something good or to say I like/adore/love you.

15. I've never had a broken bone - even though I was a bit of a tomboy as a child and probably should have broken any number of them.

16. When it comes to people, music, tv, movies and books I'm very eclectic in my tastes and like a bit of everything... I think this comes back to the fact I'm insanely curious and hate not knowing.

Supplementary facts inspired by other people's posts

S1. I sometimes shop for shoes with my sense of humour ON (something you should never do but I can't help myself!) - inspired by Vixie Rayna (11)

S2. I'm not a fan of city beaches having grown up with beautiful country beaches. I like the beach best when it's relatively empty... and I love being near the sea when it's raining or there's a storm inspired by Serene Footman (6)

S3. My youngest sister (there are three of us) once told me if I wanted to punish someone, I should sing to them. - inspired by Bunny Brickworks (3)

S4. I'm seriously addicted to people watching - - inspired by Vixie Rayna (15)

S5. I have a dog-made-dimple on one of my cheeks... I fell over and during my fall my hand met with the dogs tail and bent it back the wrong way, he turned around and bit me (as a natural reaction) and stopped as soon as he realised he'd bitten one of his humans. The dog and I were both fine and I got a dimple. In other crazy ventures with pets - as a child I was annoying the dog, he gently grabbed my arm with his teeth in warning. Being a stubborn child rather than take the hint and let go, I bit the dog back. They tell me that the dog increased his pressure a bit... and then I did the same and the battle of wills continued until finally I let go. (My parents were watching and ensuring that I wasn't hurt - obviously I wasn't too scarred as I love all animals and have no fear at all of dogs) - inspired by Trinity Dechou (7)

S6. I am not a member of any organised religion. I strongly believe in the right to choose. I believe there are things that can't be explained and haven't decided whether to attribute them to god, science or our lack of knowledge of the human brain. I once house sat in a house I swore was haunted. I lasted there a whole week where as anyone who came to stay with me lasted a night or less. I ended up leaving a week early and just popped by morning and night to feed the animals and water plants (explaining to my family why I was home early was embarrassing). - inspired by Dolly Voom (7)

S7. I don't like the bed linen tucked in at the feet. My feet seem to be the master control for my body temperature and I like to be able to move them in and out of the covers. - inspired by Denise Rowlands (13)

S8. I have an excellent memory - which my friends often curse. Don't tell me stuff you don't want me to remember. BUT if you tell me anything about cricket (one of the few things that holds zero interest for me) I won't remember a bit of it. My dad likes to tell me about cricket highlights just to torment me :) - inspired by Bunny Brickworks (10)

S9. Caterpillers gross me out. (My favourite insect is the praying mantis). Not a lot else grossed me out - though if I'm going to be squeemish, it's generally in response to a sound or to a smell more than visuals. I have friends and family in the medical industry so very little phases me or grosses me out as a topic of conversation while eating - inspired by Madame Maracas (2)

S10. I'm a non-smoker but people often think I am a smoker because many of my friends smoke. I am probably one of the few non-smokers that will look at smoke fanners with reproach. - inspired by Vixie Rayna (17)

S11. The people in a range of cafes I frequent know my face, order and a number of factlets about me (though generally not my name - unless they specifically make a point of asking). I'll talk to anyone and I love coffee. I am fussy about coffee and am not a fan of chains like starbucks and hudsons - I'd rather go to small cafe with a skilled barista. If my sisters don't have real coffee and only have instant they won't bother offering me one. - inspired by Denise Rowlands (2)

S12. My legs are extremely ticklish. Which would be fine if no one knew. Kids, especially, are ruthless if they find out. - inspired by Trinity Dechou (7)

S13. I used to watch 'tear jerkers' with my mum when the rest of the family was out so we could sob without being mocked. These days I cry or laugh without shame in the cinema - I cry quietly and just let the tears stream down my face. I laugh whole heartedly and not particularly quietly. (BUT People who talk in the cinema during a movie drive me insane). " [...] , you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." (Book, Firefly) - inspired by Bunny Brickworks (11)

S14. I have many (nick)names and they make me smile. I once read some quote that said, 'a child with many names is a much loved child ' - inspired by Vixie Rayna (18)

S15. I've only been on fire once... oh ... twice (that I can remember) - once was my thumb due to a flaming sambucca - I was in a crowded pub so couldn't just drop it either... months later I was at work assisting a client and he said, 'I know you from somewhere...' as soon as I mentioned the suburb where I hung out.. he said, "you were the girl with your thumb on fire!!". another time I caught my pants alight via a tea light candle my friend had artfully sat on the ground - much to the amusement of my friends. - Inspired by gr33ncat

S16 I hate chain letters and junk email. When I receive them and have time, I'll go through and harvest everyone's email and send (using BCC) a reply to them all - starting with, "now I have your email addresses, I can subscribe you all to porn lists..." - but then go on to reassure I won't really do this and provide advice about using the BCC field and sharing some basic email/web etiquette. I really hate junk email and figure if I tell people why, they might stop (or at least might leave me off their spam list :)). (moved up from my comments).

The challenge

Post your RL pic and 16 random facts about your person. But you needn't if you don't feel like. It's not that bad karma will hit you. // Post a pic of yourself on flickr and write down 16 random facts about yourself, funny, quirky, weird stuff then send on to/tag 16 other people.

See also: What I do when I log into SL / Six random facts

I didn't tag anyone else... but if you do it.... or have already done it, please leave a link to your own post here in the comments as I'd love to see yours too. You'll find a number of other people's responses to this challenge by browsing my favourites or by visiting the 'You Got Tagged' flickr group.

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Comments (4)

  1. righthip_rose

    I thought wedding and bridal shower were the same thing. One gift for that. no gift for girls night out. spend the most on the wedding gift.

  2. Kathleen T

    I would bring a gift to the shower that the MOH is organizing. And if you are throwing the bride another shower at work, you are probably already spending money on invitations, decorations, shower games and food. A gift from you should be optional. Spend about twice as much on the wedding gift as you would for the shower gift.


  3. Ien

    I was MOH for my best friend a few months ago and I learned A LOT about weddings and what’s expected.

    First of all, I think a wedding shower and bridal shower are the same thing. A bride may have multiple showers. The bridesmaids are supposed to host the official shower, but other people may choose to throw one too (like work colleagues or other groups of people she’s close to outside of her bridal party). *an important side note* do NOT invite anyone to the shower who is not also invited to the wedding!

    For each shower you go to, you should bring a gift. It’s very popular for the bridesmaids to all chip in and get a group gift. This is perfectly acceptable.

    You don’t usually have to bring gifts to the bachelorette party, but you do have to pay for anything the brides does (dinner, drinks, strippers, whatever). If you do choose to go the gift route, keep in mind that generally, bachelorette party gifts are funny and even sex-themed (like vibrators, books about sex positions, penis shaped items etc.) Spencer’s has all sort of these things. They even have a line of bachelorette party decorations.

    You are also expected to bring a gift to the wedding (again, it can be a groups gift)

    Gifts at the showers and wedding should be things the bride AND groom can enjoy in their new life together. This can include kitchen stuff, lingerie, linens, china…they should have a registry that you can purchase from. That way they get the things they want. So get something both of them will like. Also, the wedding gift should be the one you spend the most money on.

    There are lots of books about wedding/bridesmaid etiquette. They have whole wedding sections at places like Borders and Barnes and Noble. Go check ’em out.

  4. Mrs. Sholly 4/4/09