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Question by lucky: How do you build up self confidence when its been shot down?

Best answer:

Answer by imparicial
deny that you are not self confident. Just deny deny deny until your conscious accepts you are the opposite.

Add your own answer in the comments!

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Comments (9)

  1. Victoria

    You don’t let anyone bring you down. You have to ignore people who try and bring you down and listen to the people who care about you. They will build your confidence up.

  2. Jennifer

    Consider the source. Most people who shoot down someone’s self-confidence are total losers who need to belittle others to make themselves feel good. Forget about it and move on. We’ve all been shot down a time or two or a hundred, and you may as well learn to get over it sooner instead of later.

  3. smiling_chris

    talk with somebody who is full of self confidence and a happy person.

  4. lilballoffire00

    suround yourslelf with positve things.. happy music good freinds, people with good attitudes.. it really does have a big effect on your outlook

  5. HAHA

    it snto too late to answer my question.. its only 11 24 here.. please answer it

  6. nicky312000

    so dont try to get a life

  7. want2flybye

    Consider the source and fire back, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent!

  8. sweetlyfe86

    Here are few words you can learn…

    Here are six super tips for improving your personal
    communication style:

    1. Knowing how to improve communication skills will come
    easier once you become aware of your own communication
    style.

    Each person has a unique way of communicating. Listen to
    your own speech. What sorts of words do you use? Which sort
    of body language and what tone of voice are you using?

    Now, think of someone who, in your opinion, is a good
    communicator. Compare your style to theirs. You’ve just
    taken an important first step in how to improve
    communication skills.

    2. Now that you are aware of your own style, study the
    style of those around you. How do the most important people
    in your life converse? How do they say things? Look for
    approaches you can model and make your own.

    3. Adjust to the other styles of communication. Don’t think
    it is too late to change your way of conversing because
    it’s been years. You had to learn to communicate in the
    first place and you can unlearn certain behaviors or change
    them. Sometimes we get stuck in a communication rut.

    A father once was having a hard time with his teenaged
    daughter. She was growing and he thought she didn’t tell
    him what was going on in her life. They were in a heated
    discussion when he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Her answer was that she had, but he was too busy lecturing
    her to hear her. He learned that adjusting his style to his
    daughter would involve listening first before jumping right
    into solving the problem.

    4. To build rapport, during a conversation try and match
    the other person’s movements, posture and verbal style.
    Don’t do everything they do, but mirror one or two things.
    For example, if the person gives mostly short answers to
    questions, you follow suit.

    Or, maybe they talk at a slower pace than you usually
    do-slow your speaking speed to match theirs. This may sound
    simplistic but it is a very potent way to make someone feel
    very relaxed and comfortable in your presence.

    5. The way you communicate at home may not be the same as
    in a different environment. Make sure you change your style
    to suit the different setting. Some comments you might want
    to tell your best friend, in private.

    Other things can be shared in a group setting. Learn how to
    improve communication skills by altering your style for the
    appropriate setting. Many of us know someone who offers far
    too much information in a group setting.

    6. Don’t criticize others for communicating differently. If
    we all communicated in the same way, we’d soon be bored
    with each other.

    Getting a good grasp of your communication style and
    finding ways to accommodate other peoples’ styles, is a
    good way to improve your communication skills.

    If you want to improve your professional and social
    standing, learn to communicate efficiently and in a
    positive manner.

    3 Simple Ways to Impress Anyone You Meet
    by Peter Murphy

    The way we live today more and more emphasis seems to be
    placed on career success, material gain and achievement. And
    in an increasingly complex world sometimes it seems like
    technology and rigid processes have become more important
    than the people they were set up to serve.

    However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And
    we can all use it today to get ahead more quickly. I am
    talking about cultivating exceptional people skills in a
    way that puts you ahead of the crowd, in a way that
    respects and honours the people you deal with in your life.

    Ironically when we neglect people skills the complex
    business and social infrastructure of our world can fall
    over in a moment. What do I mean?

    Have you ever walked into the store of a major nationwide
    retailer and walked through the multimillion dollar premises
    only to find nobody to serve you?

    Have you ever phoned your bank and got a busy signal or even
    worse got cut off despite their huge customer service
    focused advertising campaigns?

    How about in your workplace? Have you ever done a fantastic
    job, stayed late to get it done and felt taken for granted?
    The corporate slogan about caring for the welfare of the
    staff rings hollow after this happens more than once.

    On the other hand if you learn from the most successful
    individuals and companies you will very often find one
    trait in common — excellent people skills.

    Here are three ways to become more successful by developing
    your people skills:

    1 Learn from people who manage to remain cheerful in the
    face of massive challenges and stress.

    A good friend of mine was on the verge of losing his
    business last year but you would never have guessed it. He
    was always smiling and confident things would get better.
    He somehow managed to still treat his staff well even when
    he was worried about running out of money.

    By listening to him and watching him cope with extreme
    financial pressure I learned a lot. His belief that
    everything would work out kept him smiling even while
    facing some very dark hours.

    You too need to become better under pressure. Anyone can
    cope well when things are going well. It is only when you
    shine under pressure that you prove to yourself and the
    world that you are destined for better things.

    2 Exceptional people skills happen at the margin.

    To go from average to good and from good to excellent is
    possible in a short time when you make incremental
    improvements each day.

    You do not need to change your personality or go on a two
    week course. Simply focus on listening skills, on non verbal
    communication and on building confidence.

    Read some good books, get advice from experts and apply what
    you learn. By making only very slight improvements where it
    matters most you will quickly develop exceptional people
    skills.

    The very best performers in sport and in business are only
    marginally better than their closest competitors and these
    slight margins make all the difference between winning and
    losing.

    Aim to make marginal improvements in your ability to
    communicate with impact and your results will improve
    dramatically. Now would be a great time to get started!

    3 Say what you mean and mean what you say

    Mark Twain famously commented that common sense is not that
    common and today sincerity and honesty are far from common
    either.

    You can stand out from the crowd by making a point of saying
    what you mean instead of saying what you think people want
    to hear. Insincerity is a game you can never win as you are
    always living in fear of getting caught out.

    If you follow through on what you say people will respect
    you for your integrity and you will be known and
    appreciated as someone who can be counted on.

    Be unusual — hold yourself to a high standard of integrity
    and commit to saying what you mean and doing what you say
    you will.

    When you live like this each day other people develop
    confidence in you and in what you say. And success in the
    world gets a whole lot easier with a team of people who
    believe in you paving the road ahead.

    Below are a few basic steps to take so that improving your
    communication skills becomes not only a change but a better
    lifestyle for you.

    Step #1 Start socializing close to home.

    Not literally but metaphorically. Start by looking at your
    closest social interactions. If you are the kind of person
    who is more off to themselves and not very active at your
    friends’ parties then you are more than likely the same
    person who can’t speak up in a business or find the courage
    to initiate a date.

    So start by mingling yourself with your closest people more
    often. Practice by holding conversation with family you
    don’t regularly speak too or becoming more active in the
    party scene with your friends.

    There’s no need to become outrageous just speak up with
    those you fell comfortable with.

    Step #2 Improve your conversation skills.

    Nervousness is a common occurrence when it comes to
    interacting with other people, it doesn’t have to be an
    obstacle though.

    Watch the conversation and don’t let those uncomfortable
    pauses scare you. Remember if you are nervous there is a
    good chance that the other person is nervous as well, so
    just take it easy.

    Try small talk, like the weather or the economy or things
    locally that you have in common such as the job or what’s
    been on television lately.

    When you see the conversation picking back up then just let
    it flow naturally and if you need to guide it back to amore
    important topic.

    Something else to remember in the conversation is to avoid
    talking over the other person. Watch the person’s reaction
    and if your are really worried about interrupting, try and
    anticipate their next move.

    Above all, apologizing instead of simply ordering the
    person to continue speaking when you interrupt is never
    overrated. Being polite is the easiest way to improve your
    communication skills.

    Step #3 Improve the body language in your communication
    skills.

    Crossing your arms is subconsciously offensive because you
    display a piece of aggression, stating that you would
    rather not become deeply engaged in the conversation and
    that possibly you might be bored.

    If you are seated, crossing your legs displays the same
    message. Try and keep your arms down, hands in the pockets
    are fine.

    Try and keep your legs down and if you are standing don’t
    sway. Swaying can suggest again that you are bored or that
    you are in a hurry.

    Step #4 Ending the Conversation.

    Knowing how to end conversation is just as important in
    improving your communication skills as holding the
    conversation is.

    Holding onto a conversation that is clearly over labels you
    as annoying and selfish. Watch the other person’s movements
    and actions.

    We as humans have very subtle but dependable signs of
    letting each know when we are through. If the other person
    tends to refer to their “to do list” for the day or are
    constantly shifting their body weight or displaying other
    physical signs of boredom, let them go.

    Improving your communication skills can be done. Don’t
    worry, keep trying and aim to improve a little each day.
    Good social skills are the foundation for success!

    What else can you do to take charge of even the most
    difficult social situations?

    They simply need to develop the appropriate skills. If you
    need to improve upon your communication skills, here are a
    few tips to help you get started down the right path.

    You can learn how to start a conversation and converse with
    anybody, anytime.

    1. In order to make interesting conversation, you must be
    interesting to others. Keeping yourself informed on current
    events, staying involved in activities, and keeping a
    mental list of good topics of discussion are excellent ways
    to break the ice. And a great tool to help you learn how to
    start a conversation with almost anybody.

    2. Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel,
    prepare yourself by thinking of the issues that interest
    you most and what you would like to discuss about a
    particular subject.

    A little preparation will go a long way in enabling you to
    easily converse with others. Don’t be afraid to ask
    questions.

    In general, people like to talk about themselves and will
    respond favorably when asked simple, friendly questions.
    Learning how to start a conversation is not quite as
    difficult if you prepare in advance.

    3. Make an effort to be a good listener when starting a
    conversation. After you make the initial effort, listen
    closely to the other person’s response.

    Often you’ll find an invitation to continue the
    conversation if you listen carefully and respond
    accordingly. Balance is the key in any conversation.

    Alternate between talking and listening to what the other
    person is saying and make additional comments as
    appropriate.

    Learning how to start a conversation is really just using
    good manners and showing a genuine interest in others.

    4. Even if you find it extremely difficult, always greet
    those you encounter with a smile and look them directly in
    the eye.

    It may be hard at first, but self-confidence is a learned
    skill and by acting confidently, you will gain new
    self-confidence.

    Soon enough you will notice that it is not as hard to
    maintain eye contact and carry on a conversation. Act
    confidently and you will eventually become confident.

    Developing self-confidence is an important part of learning
    how to start a conversation.

    5. Try to remember small details about co-workers and
    acquaintances. Asking about a weekend plan or a relative is
    an excellent way to start a conversation and show genuine
    interest in those around you.

    If you are interesting, attentive, and act with confidence
    you will appear to be the kind of person people like to
    have as a friend.

    By practicing these new skills until they become second
    nature, you will increase your own self-esteem and learn
    how to start a conversation easily.

    Learning how to start a conversation is really just a
    process of practicing your social skills until they become
    a habit.

    Repetition and determination are the most important factors
    in building your level of confidence and conversing
    effortlessly in any situation.

    The 7 Easy Ways To Make a Great First Impression
    & the 3 Ways to Ensure Low Stress Communication

    When you have an important event to attend there are 7
    great ways to make sure you perform at your very best.
    These tips are relevant for social events and business
    meetings.

    Discover how to communicate with confidence while
    making great conversation…

    1. Decide what you want to say before the event. Review it
    in your mind to make sure it sounds okay. Keep rehearsing
    it until you can say it with conviction and confidence.

    2. Consider your potential listeners. Who will you be
    talking to and which topics of conversation will be
    welcome? You need to make sure your message matches your
    audience.

    3. Be yourself. The worst mistake is to pretend you are
    something you are not. People will see through you and
    distrust everything you say. Even if you communicate
    clearly and with confidence.

    4. Never expect things to work out perfectly. Be ready to
    deal with problems by deciding in advance what you will do.
    What will you do if people ignore your input? Now is the
    time to decide and not later on in the heat of the moment.

    5. Be flexible in your approach. Different people need to
    be treated differently. Pay very close attention to how
    people respond to what you say and keep adjusting your
    approach until you have a good rapport with your listener.

    6. Make the other person the focus of your attention and
    let him lead the conversation in the early stages. Let that
    person steer the conversation onto topics that are of
    interest to him.

    7. Anticipate what could go wrong. Then do what you can to
    make sure those scenarios do not occur. Adequate planning
    is the key to performing at your best in the moment.

    Of course you need to also understand the importance of low
    stress communication…

    After all life is all about choices. And so is the way you
    communicate. You can fill your days with frustrating high
    stress communication or you can have days of low stress
    effective communication with your peers.

    There are three great ways to ensure low stress
    communication:

    1. Recognize Positive Intentions

    When someone you are talking to is unkind, negative or
    downright rude it is easy to get annoyed, angry and even
    aggressive.

    However this will just makes the situation worse and even
    faster than you can imagine.

    There is a better way. Instead look for the positive
    intention of the person you are talking to. What do I mean?

    Ask yourself — what is the positive intention behind this
    behavior?

    If the person you are talking to is angry maybe the
    positive intention is to express some hurt or frustration.
    What is important is looking for a positive not to get the
    correct answer.

    When you assume the person has a positive message hidden
    underneath the negative exterior you will have more
    compassion and patience and you will not feel so stressed
    dealing with the individual.

    2. Choose Your Own Emotional State

    I talk a lot about the importance of managing your
    emotional state. Why? Because it is an essential life skill.

    Unless you are in charge of how you feel your ability to
    communicate effectively will always be limited and
    dependent on other people.

    When you are in a potentially stressful situation and
    everyone around you is losing their cool this does not mean
    you have to join them! You will be able to contribute a lot
    more if you remain calm and centered.

    Staying calm and resourceful is a choice you can make.
    Unfortunately it is all too easy to be a sheep and simply
    follow the crowd. Nobody says you have to be a sheep!

    Instead make a point of keeping yourself in a resourceful
    state.

    3. Step Outside The Situation

    Whenever I am in a highly charged situation I will often
    step outside the situation — in my mind. This helps to
    defuse the event for me.

    You can do this too. Simply imagine that you are at the
    other end of the room watching the interaction between you
    and the other person or people.

    It is as if you are a neutral observer with no emotional
    involvement in the discussion at hand.

    When you do this you will think of ideas to handle the
    situation better and you will also feel less bothered by
    the stress of the other people.

    This is one technique you need to play with first in easy
    everyday conversations. Once you get familiar with it you
    will find it easy to mentally step outside the event while
    still participating with the people in front of you.

    Stress or relaxation which do you prefer?

    If you want to improve your professional and social
    standing, learn to communicate efficiently and in a
    positive manner. You will notice a dramatic difference in
    the way other people perceive you if you demonstrate
    self-confidence and project a friendly, informed image.

  9. David W

    Do things that make you feel confident. Get better at those that don’t.