Question by : My dad is getting married but my soon to be step mum doesn't want me there, should I go or not?
My dad is getting married but his fiancee doesn't want me there. My dad and I only met each other a little over a year ago. I have tried to get to know her because she is after all a big part of my dad's life but she ignores me every time. I really don't know what I have done to her to make her not like me at all. I've been really nice to her and their daughter but she just doesn't like me.
My dad asked me to baby sit their four years old a few weeks ago and when I turned up to baby sit, she suddenly changed her mind that she didn't want to go to the theatre to see a play which they got tickets for months ago. I got her a gift for her birthday that ended up in the bin at her birthday get together my dad planned, she didn't even open it she took it off me and took it into the kitchen, then when I went to put something in the bin later I saw the present I'd given her there. When they picked date my dad asked me to be a bridesmaid because she picked one of his groomsmen which she was ok with but I've not been involved in any part of it and has now told me she doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid or be at the wedding and told me that even though I have RSPVed for the wedding that she wasn't going to accept it. My boyfriend is going to the wedding as my dad's best man and his invite had a plus one but she has told him that if he brings me as his plus one then one of the groomsmen will be the best man instead and he won't be welcomed there.
Dad and her have been arguing about her excluding me from the wedding and for telling his best man that if he brings me then he won't be welcomed or best man. He told her that she has done everything he wants from her and doesn't understand why she won't let him have me there which is the one thing he wants which is me there. She told me and dad that if I go then she won't be walking down the aisle and that she'll make it really difficult for my dad to see their daughter which she knows will really hurt him because he's missed out the first 26 years of my life.
Part of me is thinking of just staying away from my dad and the wedding because no matter what I'll do she's going to cause a fuss and I don't want to be the reason their little girl doesn't get to have her father around like I did. He's only been in my life a year and I have managed 26 years without him, but their little girl is a big daddy's girl and if she loses him then she's going to be really upset and I don't want to cause her heart ache either.
Do you think I should go or just stay away?
My parents were never married. My mum's family moved to britain for a couple years and before they moved she fell pregnant with me. My mum always refused to give me his name when I asked growing up. Before I left home at 18, my grandfather died and before he died he gave me a letter which had the name some of her friends as he hoped that they might know and I might find him. I grew up with a step father but he didn't want to know me and didn't like me.
Best answer:
Answer by Nicholas B
Confront her, and demand an answer. If your dad cares more about the woman than over how you are being treated by your soon to be step mom then she is a complete moron.
He should not be marrying her! IF you are wealthy she is just after your money! shes going to stick around for a few months then get a divorce and take almost all of your money!
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Your dad shouldn’t be marrying this woman, but if I where you I’d go to the wedding.
shame on your dad for allowing his soon to be wife treat you so badly . because you are not close to your dad’s fiancee I stay away for the sake of your half sister like you said you don’t want your dad missing your half sister growing up like he did you growing up.
I probably wouldn’t go, it’s not worth all the drama. If you want to spend time with your dad I would do it when she isnt around. Continue being nice to her though, don’t give her anything to use against you. One day though I’d go up to her and just point blank say, I don’t understand why you don’t like me, could you please tell me what I did? But say it exactly like that face to face and don’t add anything else, and then hear what she has to say. Better try to fix the problem before this escalates any farther.
Ask her exactly why you are not welcome to the wedding. Apologize if you may have at any point offended her, and ask her what you did to make her dislike you so much. If she’s still rude and nasty, then I’d say skip the wedding, but also explain to your dad that it is his obligation to stand up for you, and you have tried EVERYTHING in your power to get her to like you, but that if he continues to defend her and NOT speak with her about it, you will no longer be able to have a relationship with his family.
It sounds to me like she is extremely threatened by you, but if you have a calm, collected conversation with her then what does she really have to stand on?
Also, she can’t choose the groomsmen, so if your boyfriend DOES bring you, that would be your DAD’s decision. Sounds to me like she’s a control freak. I hope the best for you
yes you should
Demand an explanation from her and find out what her problem is and at first try to be nice about it and if she shrugs you of say to her seriously,loudly that you want to know what her problem is because she is not going to tell your dad or yourself what to do on his wedding day. Tell her HE wants you there and that is it. Tell her that you, nor he, would of even considered doing that to her child…
Anyways definitely go, but try and find out what her problem is, I think she is probably just jelous as you are a new person in his life and she probably had all of his attention before you appeared so now she sees you as a threat..
Hope you go, be a bridesmaid, have a great time and get to the bottom of her problem !
Good luck!
Xx
Wow, you lead an interesting life. But as much as I hate to break it to you, your dad is a spineless wimp and the woman he’s marrying is a self absorbed twit. There is nothing more disgusting than a so-called mother using a little girl as a pawn to manipulate those around here. And your dad sounds like he’s been busy arguing with her, but words are cheap. Any sane person would walk away from this witch and then get an attorney to protect his interests with his daughter. He’s already got proof of “alienation of affection” and people have lost custody over this.
If he can’t or won’t tell the old hag to take a hike, the next best thing is for him to tell her that you are coming to the wedding and he’s done discussing it. Why is he going back and forth with her? It just creates drama, and gives her permission to keep manipulating him.
The reason I’m pointing this out is that you seem to feel some sense of responsibility for this little girl’s happiness. And this is always a mistake, because you’re not in a position to make the kinds of choices that will cause her to be happy. Only her “parents” can do this and it sounds like she got the short end of the stick with each of them, especially her “mother”. You just can’t fix that for her.
It sounds like your poor father is not getting much of a second wife, but he has a very young daughter by her and you are of age to live on your own. Let your boyfriend be best man for the sake of your father.
Now, you can always meet up with your father on nights “out with the boys” if he can get his friends to cover for him. Maybe you could meet him on work days for lunch.
You never mentioned your mother (real birth mother) or why you never knew your father till age 25. I had a step dad and did not see my real father ( standing on the engine in my display picture ) very often until I went back to college after the military and a couple of times during my service. So it really shook me up when he was killed. By the severity of his head injury, I decided to tell the doctor not to try any extraordinary or miraculous means of keeping him alive. Yet, now I saw that a kid with only half of his brain left after getting hit in a drive by shooting went to college with half a brain. I don’t know if I told the doctor right.
Excuse me, I got off track. My step father turned rotten on me, but my real father was always proud of me. So if your dad wants you at the wedding then he is a good dad and you should get to know him. But stay clear of step mum.
stay away it is her wedding
would it be possible for you to go and sit where she can’t see you? If so then I’d go to the wedding and get your boyfriend to let your dad know just before the wedding that you’re there and that you plan to slip out w/o the bit…..er, witch seeing you or knowing you showed up. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her and if she finds out later then she can have her hissy fit then.
If I were a really mean person and they lived in a fairly small town then I might put a note of congratulations in the local newspaper wishing them well and mentioning that you wish you’d been allowed by her to attend but that you hope they’ll be happy. I know…..can’t/wouldn’t do it but isn’t it a little bit fun to fantasize about her reaction to something like that!!!!
Bypass your b*itchy stepmum and talk directly to your Dad. Ask him, and go by whatever he says, regardless of anything your stepmum says. If he says you are welcome, then go. If he says it is better that you don’t, then honour his wishes.
If she tries to tell you you’re not welcome, tell her you’re only staying away if you hear it from your Dad. In private, without her.
@Nora it’s his wedding too!
So this lady is in denial that you exist even though you actually do?
Sounds like she is pretending you aren’t part of your dad’s life. And if she’s mean enough, long enough, you’ll disappear.
WOW! You need to talk to your dad and tell him that you don’t want to cause trouble for him, or your half-sister. But ask what he wants you to do. It will be an interesting conversation, for sure.
I would just back off a bit and not go. sorry but it seems like she is just jealous of you & the fact that he has another child besides the one they made together & she doesn’t want you to mess up her perfect little family, what a B***H, I would just back off & not go for the same reasons you mentioned, if they did not have my little sister involved in the mess, I would speak my mind, but under the circumstances just let it go. Good luck & sorry
I never knew my dad, he died when I was young, I have a brother he had with another woman right before he passed, well my brother came into my life and I found out he did heroin & because I have kids and am married after only really knowing him a few years I had to cut him back out of my life. Like you said, you went 26 years with out him, you never know maybe he will stick up for you & give her the ultimatum like she did to him and tell her if she does not accept you then he will not be walking down the isle. He may suprise you once you pull a little away.Good luck to you
I think that it is messed up that your dad’s fiance is trying to prevent someone in your dad’s own biological family to be invited to the wedding or be part of the wedding party since it’s what your dad wanted. She isn’t the only one who has a say in the wedding thing, your dad does as well since it’s his wedding too. I think this woman has issues. I would demand a answer from her asking what did you do to her that made her not like you and apologize for it if you did anything. But If I were you, I would go to my own father’s wedding since he is my father and not let anyone stop me, not even the bride.
your dad can’t be kept away from his daughter
it is illegal
if she tries that ? he can get full custody
show up on the day of the wedding
if she makes a fuss and acts immature ? good for her
maybe your dad won’t go through with the wedding, which sounds like a good idea to me
peace
You are not wanted, so don’t go- and stop making such a long winded fuss- reading this was like War and Peace- without the good bits.