My wedding idea keeps changing!!!?

March 9, 2013 | By

Question by Evelyn: My wedding idea keeps changing!!!?
I always thought I'd have a big summer wedding. My fiance is polynesian and he has a HUGE family so we'd go with a tropical theme, everyone at the reception would get leis, the girls in his family would do a polynesian dance for us and my family would get to see what his culture is all about. It just seems more "us." This wedding would cost a little more so we'd have to have it in summer of 2012 or later.

But our 5 year anniversary is in December and I'd love to get married on that day because it's a milestone! We also love winter! If we did it in the winter, we'd only have about 20 guests (parents, siblings and their spouses.) Mainly because it's so close to Christmas and I know most people hate weddings that time of year. And also to save's only 11 months away. I still have a year and a half of college so money is TIGHT. But I have so many ideas for a winter wedding! There is this amazing restaurant around here that has a winter themed private dining room. You walk in and feel like you're in a winter wonderland, and it looks so unique and glamorous at the same time! They also have a s'mores dessert you can comes with this plate thing of fire and you roast marshmellows on it! It's perfect for me because growing up, my sister and I always made s'mores using the fireplace or a candle haha and I made my fiance try his first smore! Our wedding cake could be red velvet. And for the favors we can get personalized Christmas tree ornaments that have our names and wedding date on them! We could put them in little wrapped boxes that look like presents..perfect! Oh and we could also have a white horse drawn carriage, that would go perfect for a winter theme. This option is so much cheaper. But we're afraid that some of his family would be mad at us.
I'm so sick of waiting..5 years is long enough! And while a small wedding seems sweet, I do like the idea of having both of our entire families together sharing the most important day of our lives with us. But it seems crazy to spend thousands of dollars on ONE night when I can spend half that on a wedding that's just a beautiful. I'm so confused!!!!! Did anyone regret having a small wedding?

Best answer:

Answer by trish s
Have you asked what your man would like ? Personally i'm in favour of small simple weddings saving the money for the future together. Getting married is about two people who want to spend their lives together. Not about big lavish ceremonies with frilly lace and expensive venues and food..............

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Okay so I had a little late night fun last night. lol Here's to DAY 2!!! how cool would this be for a wedding or handing tons from a ceiling in a nursery! AWWW Come follow me on Charming Custom Crafts page on Facebook! I have weekend challenges, Race goals and pop up contests...I provide all of my prizes! Search under people for either of the following; Charming Custom or Charming Custom Crafts Look for the icon with the little blue Daisy and the words Tips & Tricks!
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Comments (5)

  1. ?


    Same problem.

    We were going to move to another country, so what we did was to do a small neat civil ceremony with the family (it was beautiful although small), and after we return home, we’ll make the big one, and the ceremony will be a church’s blessing of our marriage. That way we are married, and can save enough money to do a big one.

    Of course now it seems like either you need to wait a lot or have a small wedding, but here are some thoughts:

    1: Do as you prefer for you, not only for your family. Its your wedding.
    2: By you I mean your fiance and you. Do not plan everything on your own, or you can get between he and his family and that’s something you DON’T want to do with the people that’s gonna be around you for the rest of your life.
    3: Having a wedding on a milestone, although romantic, is not imperative. More dates to celebrate are a boost on romanticism along the marriage.
    4: If you do the two weddings, be sure to politely say that you’re not a cash machine, and you want to be able to save enough to invite everyone but there is an important reason to marry now and in the next one, all are invited. For us the travel and visa issues were a very good reason. You need to find one. The truth is always a good argument, but try to cover it in s’mores and roast it so they can’t find it harsh or bitter :)

    Hope it helps :)

  2. GypsyMaiden

    The first poster (salem) is a jerk.

    Here’s what I would do: First,make a budget of how much you could save up for each wedding type. Then, decide if you want to spend that much.

    The guests won’t remember all the little details, just the ceremony, if the food was edible, and if the company was nice. Think about what you remember from the weddings you attended, and plan accordingly. If you want to get married sooner, go for it! Also, who says you can’t have a polynesian theme in the winter? It might bring a breath of fresh air to the cold, dark winter!

    I know what you mean about waiting. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, but we still have another 2.5 years before the wedding, since we took time off before starting college and are in the process of getting our degrees. That said, we’re still only budgeting $ 5,000 for the wedding and $ 1,000 for the honeymoon because I just can’t make myself spend more than that on one day.

    As I’ve found out, you can do anything well, even on a tight budget. You just have to be smart with your money, go with the less expensive item if it’s something only you, not your guests, will notice*, and DIY a lot. It can be a lot of work, but YOU CAN DO IT! :)

    *For example, I’m getting my bouquet done at a professional florist, but the bridesmaids bouquets and the tossing bouquet will be from the grocery store. They still do lovely work with personable service, but it costs a lot less and your guests won’t know!

  3. Jenny Lynne

    This day is all about what you and your fiance want. You seem really excited about the winter wedding, though, I usually advise against weddings around holidays especilly Christmas, but you didn’t ask that. My main concern would be what does your fiance’ want??? If he is o.k. with it, go for your winter wedding. You can do something in the summer, a bar b que, potluck style or maybe someone in his family will host a “get to meet the new couple” cook out or something. The cost is always an option. Having said that, there is one big concern—-you say you always thought you would have a big summer wedding, with all his family, etc. etc.—-then you change to your 5 year anniv. and you say you would love to get married on that day, you’re tired of waiting, etc. so only you and fiance can decide—-what worries me is that perhaps you have gotten caught up in the moment, thinking that it is our 5 year anniv., love winter, etc.——you would have to plan the wedding in 11 months and would still have some college time left—so do you go ahead and have it in 11 months or wait till you are out of college and have the summer biggie—-sorry, but only you can decide which one you want. I would hate to see you give up your dream for other reasons. As far as his family being mad, that is not an option, the wedding is all about you, your family, fiance and what you want and can afford. So, after going around in circles, this is no help at all. Just stop for a little while, try to get your mind off of either, and try to “table it” for a week or two. That much won’t matter. Sometimes when I am undecided, I write the pros and cons of each and see which has the most pros. But, only you can know your heart. You do not need to make any decision right now while you are confused. Talk to your Mom, if you are close to her, she knows you (hopefully you still have her, I don’t) and get her input. There is something I can’t get past, something about the summer wedding. You would have what about another year and a half to wait vs. 11 months. At the end of your question you say you’re sick of waiting, but you go back and forth, you know this, duh, a small one is sweet, but you still like the idea of both families, etc., then money. Now, I’m confused, seriously, there is still something there that says give this some serious thought, I am a big regreter, wish I had done this or that. Meeting the family can wait,so don’t even consider that part, again, unless it is part of your “forever” dream. What do you, you, you and fiance want? Either way you have to make a decision, in the movie Sweet Home Alabama, her Father tells her, sugarbean, you can’t ride two horses with one ___. There again only you can decide which horse. Search your heart, not your mind. Go thru the scenario in your mind of the winter wedding, then the summer and see how you feel. Then table the idea for a couple weeks and I think it will come thru to you which horse you really want, there will be a nagging feeling or something way down that won’t go away. I had a small wedding because of cost and don’t regret it, I was so nervous I bareley made it thru that one. So, what kind of person are you??? Do you like crowds??? You will be emotional on that day. Again, I keep going back to this thing of his family, learning their culture, their dance, etc. This is not about you and he as a couple,more to me of a family thing which can be done at anytime. So get back to basics what is the most romantic thing for you and he. Don’t think about family, unless this is something he really wants. The big day should be all about you, not his culture, etc. So, again it’s back and forth. Maybe I can break it down.
    1. More expensive.
    2. More “us”.
    3. More of a family get together.
    4. Wait longer and more expensive.
    1. Less expensive.
    2. More you, he loves winter weddings, also.
    3. Not about just you and he, more family oriented??? This in some way bothers me.
    4. Have on your special anniversary.
    5. Very near Christmas
    1. Who is paying???
    2. Family mad–doesn’t matter
    3. Sick of waiting
    4. Can you put it together in 11 months, can you get the restaurant you want, check this out first!!!
    5. Finished college or still in college, what does he do, his income??? Cheaper living place till you finish college.
    That didn’t help either.
    So, I also am an impatient person, waiting would get on my main nerve really quick, I would be more, do it, get it over with. But that’s me. I am going to stop trying because I am going in circles myself. Just search your heart, talk to fiance, think about the kind of persons you both are, waiters, impatienters???? Good luck. The only thing I feel is a little concern is that you may be giving up your not dream wedding but your big summer wedding.

  4. Im Login

    Making a memorable wedding isn’t all about expensive venues or complicated themes. What it’s really about is creating a day that is special to you. In the end the flavor of your cakes icing probably will not be as important in your memory as the fact that you are standing there surrounded by people who love you.

    So don’t stress the small stuff and think you need to pull off the wedding of the century. Just be happy with the choices that you make, and know that even if you don’t have a six-foot tall wedding cake the memories of the event will be no less sweet.

    Get Organized!

    A wedding is a very complicated affair, and you will soon be lost in a sea of details if you don’t have some kind of a system to hold it all together…