Q&A: Friend is renewing vows, asked me to be bridesmaid, what are my duties? do we throw showers or parties?

March 15, 2013 | By

Question by Jj!: Friend is renewing vows, asked me to be bridesmaid, what are my duties? do we throw showers or parties?
Friend is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary! She was schedueled to have a big wedding but she got pregnant and put on bed rest, so they had to cancel! As a bridesmaid, what are my duties? Is a shower or bachlorette party appropriate? What else should i know?

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Answer by Come on 2012!!!
Someone has been nominated for stripper detail. Lol

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Comments (13)

  1. La Vie Boheme

    No..there are no showers or any of those pre-wedding events AFTER a couple is already married. They can have a party to celebrate but it’s not a reception and she isn’t a bride. I have never heard of bridesmaids at a vow renewal. You have no duties because there is no wedding.

  2. fairypelican

    for a ‘vow renewal’ I would think that noe of the other usual pre-wedding things would apply.
    You just front up on the day,
    Maybe go shopping with her if she wants you to , in order to chooses dresses etc.

  3. Garnet Glitter's No BS Zone

    neither a bachelorette nor a bridal shower is appropriate for a renewal of vows…

    1) She is NOT a bachelorette. She is a married woman so to treat her as singleton on her last day of being single makes no sense.

    2) Bridal Showers are for unmarried engaged couples who are setting up a home for the first time….she is neither engaged nor setting up a home..she has already done so.

    BTW, treating a vow renewal just like a wedding is a bit inappropriate…she is NOT a blushing bride. She IS a married woman and mother and needs to research the PROPER way to hold a vow renewal…what she is trying to do is have a ‘do-over ‘ wedding….what she should have done is have her wedding AFTER the birth of the child and do it right the FIRST TIME…not wait until five years later and play pretty princess bride….or have a proper vow renewal.

  4. planner

    no, unfortunately, all of the party things which go along with weddings are inappropriate for vow renewals. what you should be doing is helping her to plan and execute the renewal ceremony and after party.

    of course you can always have an invitation addressing party or a decoration party where you get a few folks together to do these chores but add a party in with it.

  5. killerkitty

    No you do not throw a shower for a vow renewal nor do you throw any type of party. She is not a bachelorette she is a married woman.

  6. truefirstedition

    This person is already married, so it would be inappropriate to have a shower (where guests are expected to bring gifts) or a bachelorette (since the “bride” is not single).

    If you wanted to do a special party, a small lunch or brunch for the bride and bridesmaids would be totally appropriate.

    Your duties are to buy the dress she picks and attend the wedding-related events (rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, photos, ceremony, reception) with a smile on your face.

  7. Southern Bride

    You don’t (at least you aren’t supposed to) have bridesmaids for a vow renewal because there is no bride. There are no bridal showers because she’s not a bride. There isn’t a bachlorette party because she’s married and no longer “single” Soundsl like she is trying to have a re-do

  8. Just tryin' to help

    WARNING: I’m sure that SHE thinks she is entitled to all of these typical pre-wedding festivities. She is wrong.

    Your best bet would be to ask the ‘bride’ what she expects of you. If she mentions anything about throwing any parties, you would do well to explain the rules of etiquette and the fact that this is NOT a wedding and therefore any type of party like that would be inappropriate.

  9. Messykatt

    I know you’re well intentioned, but this is a trainwreck. How can you be a bridesmaid when there’s no bride? Please tell your friend that a vow renewal is not a wedding re-do. We all get one wedding per husband, and whatever happened 5 years ago was her wedding, even if it was very small.

    I’ve been to a couple of vow renewals, and they’re nice, but they aren’t elaborate. The couple exchange new vows to reflect what has happened in 5 years. Then they serve dinner to their guests.

  10. Perse

    Vow renewals don’t have bridesmaids. It seems she is trying to pull off a wedding redo. I wouldn’t encourage her.

  11. Blunt

    No bachelorette party, she is not single, she is a married woman, a matron mother of one for heaven’s sake. This is not appropriate.

    Showers, people will frown upon a traditional gift giving shower as she is a long time matron with an established household. It will be inappropriate and will offend people.

    Alternately, you can host a recipe shower or a tea party, just a get together with the friends of the matron. No gifts or registries, that would be in the poorest of taste. If the matron insists on a gift grab, then a lingerie shower if going on a second honeymoon or a Christmas ornament shower would be acceptable choices; but definitely not a traditional shower as they already have everything they need after 5 years of marriage and children. Note: that is not an excuse to ask for money as a gift. UGH.

    I’ve attended vow renewals (for 15, 20 and 50 year anniversaries). Very tasteful affairs and certainly NOT a RE-Do or trashy re-enactments. No showers or registries and none of that stuff reserved for single never married brides. The duty of the sole attendant in a vow renewal was to help her decorate the place and help with the favors and flowers and look pretty for the pictures. I will be an attendant for my best friend 20 year anniversary vow renewal next year and I was told just to show up,. that will be my entire duty.

    Good luck

  12. lalala

    Vow renewals done properly are great but this is obviously just another case of someone who feels they didn’t get a “real wedding” and wants to put on a show for gifts/attention.

    Your friend is no longer a bride, she is a wife and mother. The time for a shower and bachelorette party have passed.

  13. Amber

    First of all, does she have a maid of honour? Because that is the person usually in charge of those types of things, not the bridesmaids. The bridesmaids are usually there strictly as support for the bride, but the even planning is not normally done by them.