What’s the polite way to word that you only want $ for the wishing well for ur wedding present?

February 5, 2013 | By

Question by Misty: What's the polite way to word that you only want $ for the wishing well for ur wedding present?
I would like to know the polite way to word (not on the invite, on another card in the envelope) to say that you only want $ $ or vouchers for a wedding present and that there will be a 'wishing well' at the reception that they should put it in.
Some out there may think I'm rude - (sophie wouldn't have been invited anyway! - take the cake for rude!) I appreciate any advice RELATING to the question, not ur personal opinion. Remember what your mum always said, "If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anyhting at all".

Best answer:

Answer by birgit
Sorry, there is no polite way to say it. Any etiquette book worth it's weight in tea crumpets will tell you that much.

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This is how money is given in Japan for events and weddings.
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Comments (25)

  1. pplz1st

    have a bidding for the highest bidder to remove the garter from your leg and that will be your money pot, they each have to put money in during the bid, and can’t take it back

  2. sophielyn

    there is no polite way to demand what your gift will be. its rude. its crass. and if i were invited i would not bring a damned thing. a gift is just that.. its chosen by the giver for you to receive, not demand.

  3. odds10to1

    No presents allowed, only cash. Thank you very much, enjoy the bash.

  4. Maria

    Unfortunately, there is no polite way to say it. If you insist on doing this, let your close family and bridal attendants spread the word when your guests ask.

  5. jct101

    There is not. Look, if somebody asks for a gift certificate, vouchers, or money for a wedding or ‘baby event’ they can generally get lost. Registries are bad enough.’

    Now, if you have a ‘wishing well’ for charity then you’re onto something and more power to you.

    Otherwise you’re going to come of like a greedy, moneygrubbing, opportunist.

    Stop asking for money. Be glad people are even coming to your wedding.

  6. rain

    Sounds too shallow! Oh please………. come again.

  7. Sophra

    There really isn’t a polite way to tell people you want money. You shouldn’t even mention a wishing well. Although I agree that money is the easiest and probably most wanted gift (it’s traditional in my culture to give money as a gift), asking for it in any way is pretty (sorry) tacky. You kind of have to suck it up and hope that people include gift receipts.

  8. onceisenoughilearnedmylesson

    There is no polite way to ask for only “money” gifts. That’s TACKY! Accept what is given to you and be grateful for whatever you get. You can always sign Wedding Registers and hope people will look at them before shopping for you, but if someone is kind enough to give you a gift (not mandatory regardless), you should be happy. Someone with your kind of attitude really doesn’t deserve any gifts at all!

  9. littlewahine78

    If you can’t afford to get married or to be married, don’t.

    There isn’t a polite way to ask for money.

    You could bypass the awkwardness of it (the “we just want money” conversation) by registering at a place such as Bed Bath and Beyond, where, at least this is what I’ve heard, you can return gifts for cash rather than store credit.

    If you are afraid of people giving you gifts you don’t want then they
    1) don’t know you well enough to be at your wedding in the first place
    2) don’t like you enough to spend the effort to buy you something you’d like.

    Either way, they shouldn’t be there.

    If the problem of gifts in with the transporting them from your ceremony or reception site to your new home, you can have a groomsman or a bridesmaid suggest that gifts be 1) shipped to your new address or 2) purchased at one store and made available for pick up at a store near your new home. Some stores refer to this as Pack and Hold.

  10. Nessa

    No polite way! Just accept what you receive and be happy with it! or at the bottom ” GIFT CARDS ARE APPRECIATED” The people who don’t know what to get you will look at it as a sign of relief.

  11. keepyourhandsoffmycat

    How about:

    “Whilst we do not ask for any gifts, if you would like to give something, there will be a wishing well at the reception which you can donate/contribute to if you like which would be much appreciated”

    Some people may think this is rude but if I got this card I would not think it is rude, I think it is acceptable. Just make sure you DON’T send it with the invitations, send it seperately.

  12. gembraithwaite

    Just put that you could word it something like. My future husband and i can not currently think of any presennts we would like so we thought we would get a wishing well and ask our guests if they would be kind enough to give $ $ as wedding gifts and as a romantic theme we thought it would be lovely if you could put your gift of $ $ into the klovely wishing well we have at the reception. something like that maybe

  13. red_hi_hills

    Save your money. Elope. Or set the wedding day far enough in advance to allow you to enough time to save the money. This will allow you to start your life together with the amount of money you need.

  14. mikellie

    what is the point in recieving gifts if you already have everything you need….that is where a wishing well comes in handy…… you don’t need doubles or triples of everything….all the weddings i have been to have all had wishing wells / treasure chests as they already have everything…..so put this poem in with your invites

    our treasure chest
    more than just kisses so far we’ve shared,
    our home has been made with love and care…
    most things we need we’ve already got,
    and in our home we can’t fit alot…
    a treasure chest we thought would be great
    (but only if you wish to participate)
    a gift of money is placed in the chest,
    then make a wish…..but shhh don’t tell!
    once we’ve replaced old with new,
    we can look back and say it was thanks to you.

    seriously it is your choice to whether you want a wishing well or gifts…..my partner and i are getting married next year and we will be having a wishing well as we have everything we need…the house and everything in it and a family ( 3 young children)
    don’t worry about what anyone else say’s it’s your own decision in the end

  15. chefddr

    ok, so you don’t want our opinions, so take wedding etiquette, this is totally unacceptable!

  16. melouofs

    There really is no polite way to say this. You should search past questions, as this is asked on here every single day, and the answer is always the same. You don’t. It seems you don’t care for the many answers you’ve received telling you this, so please check the other answers–you’ll find tons of replies all saying te same thing.

  17. angeldust_599

    EXACTLY..,..if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say it at all…asking for peoples money is RUDE…so in that case you shouldnt ask for anything at all. I dont care what your reasoning is for only wanting money or vouchers…you dont tell you guests what they can and cant get you. I have a rule for people like you. if your tacky enough to ask for my money then U’m tacky enough to bring you absolutely nothing to the wedding. not even a store bought gift. you forgot your manners…I must have forgotten mine too.

  18. iloveweddings

    Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

    You asked a question, so you must accept the answers. You asked “what is the polite way…….”

    There IS NO polite way, because that is rude. If you want cash, then don’t register for gifts….people are smart enough. You most likely will get a few gifts, but then cash in a card for the rest. Please do not put out a “wishing well.” That is the utmost of tackiness.

    Give your guests a little credit….they will figure it out, but PLEASE…..don’t ask for cash.

  19. KaseyT33

    “No boxed gifts please.” But please realize that no matter how it is worded, it still isn’t polite….

  20. wildchildflowerchild

    in most cultures people only give money for wedding and it is considered tacky and rude to give gifts.

  21. needmeagoodname

    How about

    Give us money or don’t come.

    Sorry you don’t like the answers telling you it’s rude but if it were actually acceptable then you wouldn’t be on here asking would you?

  22. RowerGirl

    Please do a search before posting your question – this is asked every single day at LEAST once on this forum. It’s always the exact same answer.

    The fact that asking for money is extremely rude is just that – a fact. It’s not our personal opinions; no matter how you look at it, asking for money (or any gift in general) is tacky and greedy.

    Also, just because you write it on another card inside the invite envelope, that doesn’t make it not part of the invite. It’s unacceptable.

    If you don’t want boxed gifts, include a line on the invite that says, “your presence on our special day is the only present we would like.” If people still want to get you something, then they’ll give you money. Or, ask for a donation in your name to a charity of their choice.

  23. biologygirl

    It is tacky and rude to tell people what to give or not give you so we spread the word through our parents. When people asked our parents what we wanted, they would say we had already bought everything for the home that we need so we didn’t really need anything… but that if they still felt like giving us something we needed money to save up for our move to medical school or they’d tell them the restaurants we like to go to so they could give us a gift certificate. Most people liked this because they want to give you something you actually want or need. Other people called my husband or I personally and asked what we needed or wanted and we told them the same thing, that we didn’t need a gift and that their presence at our wedding would be the greatest gift from them. They always insisted for me to give them some ideas of what to get us so that’s when I told them we needed to save money for our move and what places we like to go for gift certificates. So this way word got out and we only got a few actual gifts and mostly gift certificates to places we like as well as a lot of money that really helped us starting out.

  24. L H

    There is no polite way to ask for cash, and for goodness sake don’t put it in writing (on the invitations). The only appropriate way to go about letting everyone know is to put the word out among the family and friends. Be grateful for what you get, present or cash, that’s the only answer.

  25. kadel

    Miss Manners and all other etiquette advisers say you cannot ask for money. All you can do is cue your family to tell people who ask that you have just about everything you need and you would like just a check`